Splash, Grind, Mosey

IMAZ race report

2008-12-01T11:42:00.001-08:00

Total Time: 13:53:19 (goal was 15 hrs.)
Swim: 1:10 (goal 1:15)
Bike: 7:00:57 (goal 7:30)
Run: 5:25 (goal survive, secondary goal beat Katie Holmes' NY marathon time of 5:29)
Toe nails remaining: 9 (goal 7)
Fun level: 11! (goal 5)
Goals achieved: all 6 (goal 2)

Well it has been one week and I have had time to come down off the high and actually think about what happened. The sunburn has peeled and the big blister is starting to heal. I am still in shock. I not only finished, I finished on my feet and smiling. Every step was a blast and I just can't believe how much fun I had. I never once thought of giving up. There were points where I realized I would have to be conservative to not crash, but that was just fine with me. There was no pressure. I was trying something so far out there that if I didn't finish everyone would just be proud of me for trying and I sure as heck didn't need to go fast. This was the least pressure I'd felt in a race in years. I was just relaxed.

The day before the race was perfect. I got to spend it with my friend Sarah, husband Ned and my beautiful God Daughter Sophie and several times through out that day I remember thinking that if the race goes to hell, it was worth signing up for to have an excuse to spend a day like that with them :)

The day didn't start off that great. As Ned and drove to the race site we were late and I was starting to freak out. I think freak out might be an understatement. We had a hard time finding the parking garage and at one point I was so scared I was getting car sick and I believe I might have cried. After we parked it didn't get any better. I got to transition and dropped off the rest of my stuff. As i was trying to get everything in order on my bike my garmin forerunner GPS disappeared. I used it as a bike computer and without it I wouldn't be able to pace right. I wasted so much time trying to find it that I had to book it to drop off my special needs bags and then get in my wetsuit. I managed to get in the swim pen in time but right after I got in I realized I was still wearing my diamond engagement ring and there was nothing I could do but swim with it. Screw the normal fear of goggle loss, I was scared of losing that ring! (I didn't).

The swim was great. I did the old lady thing of slipping into the 63 degree water slowly and then tried to swim up to the front. I didn't have much time before the cannon went off so I stopped close to the first open space I could find. and then, bam, it was on. It was exactly like everyone described, I was in a washing machine and I loved it! What a rush! I had to be careful not to get kicked, but I got kicked and grabbed and poked and everything. I didn't get seriously hurt but I did crack my foot on someone's head. It hurt me so I can only imagine how it hurt them, if you are reading this, I am sorry. It was damn cold in that river. I just remember freezing the whole time and wishing my wetsuit had sleeves. I knew it would be a long way so I just sort of settled in an enjoyed the whole thing, except for the cold. I remember actually swimming into a buoy which made me laugh a lot. I got stuck next to this one guy who couldn't stop making motor boat noises. Like the kind you might make which swimming with your kid. I''m sure some sports psychologist told him to "be the boat" and he just took it one step to far. For the first 1000 yards it was funny, after that I wanted to run him over with a motor boat. And then, just like that, I was making the last turn and it was over. I got out and let the strippers or peelers or whatever do their jobs. In a perfect day I thought I could do a 1:05, I figured a 1:10 flanked by motor boat guy wasn't too damn bad :)

The craziest thing happened as I grabbed my wetsuit and ran to transition, I kept running. I didn't walk to my bag or anything, it felt really good to jog so instead of my usual recovery walk, I just jogged to my seat in the change tent. That feeling, the way my legs just wanted to go, made be realize that I was about to totally own this race. By "own" I mean "finish." The volunteer was great and even loaned me a towel when I realized that mine didn't make it into my bag. I changed, had some Ensure, loaded up on the stuff, took some advil and went on out the door.

The bike was, well, uneventful. The first lap was the only place I think I really broke mentally. I didn't know how fast I was going thanks to my lack of bike computer and I didn't know how far I'd gone or where the turn around was. It was slightly uphill and then wind was in my face on the way out. I really felt bad. Hearing reports from others I think I was imagining the wind worse than it actually was. Half way through the first loop of the 3 loop course I felt the stick that managed to lodge itself in my bike shorts. Ouch. Just plain ouch. I didn't want to stop until special needs on the second lap so I kept going, but ouch. I kept trying to remember landmarks so I would know where I was on the second and third loops, but really, every cactus looks the same. It was quite pretty. Finally I got to the turn around and zoomed back towards town. It was much faster on the way back and i started to feel better. But, damn, the bike just kept going!!!! I got to the turn around in town and saw Ned and Sarah and Sophie who was loving the bikes. She had helped me put mine together the day before:) That gave me one hell of an emotional lift and I zoomed out for lap two. It was about now that the pros started lapping me. One was even kind enough to blow his nose on me. I was honored. I was covered in pro snot! Only other memorable thing about lap two was that I got to stop for my special needs bag and visit the port a potty to address the stick issue. Someone thought that putting the port a potty on a slant was a good plan and that is one pit stop I won't forget. My legs were shot and it was not easy. I then got my special needs bag, which had all my favorite foods, and realized that all I wanted was the cold Diet Dr Pepper I had placed in the cooler with the ice packs. That's right, I took a Dr Pepper break in the middle of my Ironman. Best boost ever! Right after that I got lapped by Joanna Zeiger, a pro hero of mine. Wow is she fast! I went back into town, waved to my Ned, and headed out for one more go. I realized that I might get close to 7 hours which meant I was ahead of my loose plan and that I could pretty much crawl the marathon and finish under 17 hours. Final time 7:00:57. Works for me!

I got back to transition, handed off my bike to the volunteer and headed to the tent. Everyone was so nice. I had stuck to my nutrition plan perfectly on the bike and as feeling great. I took some advil and some water and chatted with the volunteer who promised me the marathon would be nothing but fun. I was feeling great so I chose to believe her. In to time at all I was shod, clad in DC tri gear and read to go! I left the tent and headed out on the run.

Well, those of you that know me and my deep hatred of running will know by my time that I am just over the moon about my run. It was better than I could have hoped for. I ran out of transition and about .25 of a mile out, my calves and shins cramped, which was fine because I absolutely knew that would do it. So I walked. No big deal, I walked until I thought I could run and then ran until they loosened up. The first aid station was amazing and as I ran up they asked me if I needed anything. The coolest part was that my name was on my number and everyone called me by name. How cool is that! My plan was to walk three miles and run one. Well when I finished my first 3 miles, I still wanted to run, so I did. Then I sort of just kept wanting to run. So I did. It was the strangest thing, my body just kinda took over in a way I'd never seen so I just let it do what it wanted. I just kept running. I walked the aid stations to make sure I was eating and drinking and then ran the rest. It was great being able to see Ned so often and I felt great the first 2 laps. Though at the end of the first part of each lap you had to run down this carpet and each time I almost bit it. Pretty embarrassing! I kept drinking and eating and walking when I wanted to, but mostly running. My half marathon pace was 11:00. That is faster by far than the 5K part of the first 3 sprint tris I did. Wow. During the second lap I talked to a nice woman from Edmonton who was doing her second Ironman and trying to break 14 hours. She said she was on pace for that so concidering I was with her, I was on pace for that too. Cool! I asked her what finishing felt like and she said it was amazing, she felt like she could do anything. By the third lap I was getting pretty tired and slowing down. If you look at my splits you can tell. My stomach stopped digesting and I was getting bloated. My legs were starting to cramp. All the standard stuff. I was still so high off just being there that it didn't really notice too much. At the beginning of the third loop I made a port a potty stop which was bad because sitting down was hard. I felt really drunk and I didn't want to get up. I never though about stopping, but I knew that the last lap wasn't going to be as much fun as the others. I kept going and well, just kept going. I walked a lot now because I felt my stomach rebelling and a large blister forming on my toe. I knew that the only way i was not going to finish was if I puked or my blister popped. Both of those things would only happen if I pushed it, so I didn't, I walked. Then I got to that magic sign that said 1st 2nd and 3rd loops right, finish left. And I went left! I walked for a bit more and then started to run. It was there. I saw the magic blow up arch and the supporters and heard Mark Reilly say my name, and slapped hands with people from the bleachers and then ran under the finish line arch at 13:53:19. I had done it. What the f*&*! I did it!

Some very nice catchers gave me my finisher's swag and delivered me to Ned who sat me down in a fold up chair. I just sat there dazed. I felt like I had the best alcohol buzz ever. Picture were taken, I talked to Flip, and then I ended up at Sarah's trying to eat mashed potatoes. When your stomach has shut down, don't try to cram any more in. I puked. I felt better. I still felt high. I still feel high. My fingers were swollen so much that I couldn't close my hands. My feet were so bad that I had cankles and didn't wear real shoes for 4 days. I have a blister that is just amazing. I am proud of all of it. Every moment of that race was a blessing. I am so lucky to be able to do a race like that. Every moment I just kept thinking how happy I was to be there. I rarely feel like a did a good job after a race. I always replay it and find where I could have done better, gone faster, or pushed harder. For the first time I feel nothing but pride and excitement. Could I have gone faster, maybe. Could I have pushed harder, who knows. Do I care, no. I totally kicked that race's ass. I surpassed all expectations. There is nothing about that race I want to take back. It was the perfect day. To finish was amazing, to finish in a time that had all my friends (Flip for one...) staring at their computer screens in amazement was I feeling like nothing I have felt before. Thank you all for everything you have said. All the support and praise is just amazing. I loved looking back though my facebook page on Monday and seeing what everyone was saying. Thank you all. I am the luckiest person alive. I have the greatest friends on earth.

By the next day I was doing great. Still had the cankles but I could walk and I saw that as a good sign. It has been a week and I got in the pool yesterday and felt fine. I'm excited about some time off, but also excited to go back to working out. Maybe at a little lower level.....

I'm old

2008-09-06T11:55:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a while and I promise that one day I will post something uplifting. I'm really not a gloomy person in real life! I went out to 80's night last night and felt really old. I'm almost 30 and frankly I think I have the best body I've ever had. But I'm old. I'm married. I didn't have any guys offer to buy me a drink. This really sucked. Yes I'm married and I am not looking for anything but it is still super flattering to have a guy buy you a drink and frankly I am at the point where I haven't had that happen in a while.

Recently I have had a house guest take up residence on my couch. Its been nice living with someone again but it has been hard to stick to my schedule. I have actually had to give things up but in some cases I am just too tempted and will skip a workout to hang out with him. I haven't really tried to find much of a social life out here and it is really nice to have someone to do things with and to push me to get out of the house. The down side is that I am tired and will doing things training wise that I shouldn't. I know that skipping an E1 workout here and there won't kill me but I wish I could be ok with it mentally. But I guess every now and thing I just have to go have fun! This might actually be a good thing:)

Work has been crazy but hopefully it will settle down soon and things will work out well. That will make my life a lot better, just knowing. For the first time though I don't have a real plan about jobs and Ned moving and such but I do have a feeling that it will work out ok, I just don't know what ok will be. We have a lot of options right now and I don't even know what I want to happen. But I do know it will be ok and in a few short weeks I will finally have my husband back.

In other news Hanna canceled me long run this morning. I know that rain shouldn't do this, but damn man, a hurricane???? I think that is an ok excuse. I'll just have to make it up later......

Winning and "losing"

2008-08-10T11:19:00.000-07:00

Its been a while since I've written and I should do a NJ tri race report, but basically, it was fun to be there with DC tri, my run was crap, I spent a few days feeling bad about the fact I couldn't do 20 mph on the bike, I was mad at myself for not doing as well as my teammates, and then my friend Flip did a post on Facebook that made me feel better. I all I can hope is that one day I will feel I did good enough.

I'm sitting here watching Olympic swimming. A few things strike me right away. If Michael Phelps does not get gold in everything he will be seen as a failure. One silver, and he's not accomplished his goals. That is just not fair. Any Olympic medal is a success. Hell, going to the Olympics is a success. Why do the announcers not see this? Are American's so set on always being the best that second place is a disappointment? As I was thinking this, I realized this is exactly how I feel about my own performance. I'm never going to win my age group, I'm ok with that. But somewhere it went from just being happy to finish to never being happy with my times. I need to realize that just doing these things should be seen as an accomplishment. The better I've gotten the more I realize exactly how slow I am. Sort of like the more you know, the more you see how much you don't know. But that doesn't mean you don't know anything or that you haven't succeeded in learning. Getting to that place should be a great success because being there is a feat in itself.

2008-07-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

After all my bitching and moaning last night, I realized I was just being silly. I e-mailed my friend Flip, who always makes me feel better and he went above and beyond this time. He used stats to prove I don't suck. Being a scientist, this just rocked and convinced me I don't suck. He pulled out the "Z score!" Score! There is more on Facebook too. This also shows me just how bad I am at the run in comparison to others. I need more track workouts. I also reconnected with someone I went to high school with who has done an ironman. She made me feel better about the whole process too. She said that no one realizes what you are going through and that you just have to keep moving forward. This is good advice for not only the race, but practice too. I'm doing a long bike ride this afternoon. I hope it goes well. Just once I would like to average 20 mph on a bike in a tri. Maybe at Nations.

NJ Tri

2008-07-28T17:35:00.000-07:00

Well its been a week since I've written. I did the NJ tri this weekend. It went. I thought that with all the training I've been doing I would be able to at least hang with my age group, but alas no. I got a PR, but I did really crappy in comparison to everyone else which means it was just a really fast course. Its just sort of crushing when you put so much work into something and feel like you get nothing back. I guess it is good that I am not spending today as a ball of pain but I should have been able to do better on this tri. I should have been able to push harder but I didn't. The run broke me. It always does. I hate that it has now become about times instead of finishing, but it has. I had fun. I liked being with a club, but I still feel like crap mentally. I guess I have just gotten as fast as I can and in yet another endeavour I will have to settle for being crappy. Everything just seems to suck right now. I feel like even my ironman is a useless goal. What's the point, it doesn't prove anything. Its not Hawaii which is the only one the world seems to think is worth it and really Ironman has become what marathons are, the new thing to do. It seems that, like the marathon, in 5 years everyone will have done one and no one will care anymore. what's the point? I can't quite now though because I have already paid my $500 and I'm cheap so I have to at least show up and not waste the money. And if I show up I might as well be prepared to finish. I would hate wasting $500. At least this blog isn't just about the good times in my training.....

Weight Loss

2008-07-19T07:07:00.000-07:00

Being a girl it is always hard to talk about weight. If you think you are the right weight or if you are actually losing weight you don't fit in to so many conversations with girls. Everyone is unhappy with the way they look or is trying to lose weight but doesn't feel they are losing enough. It seems that no one does it in a very healthy way. Every girl has done things like not eating for a week etc. There are two times in my life I have walked out of a pair of pants. I am wearing them and accidentally step on the back and they sort of fall off. One time was my second year of grad school. I had stopped eating and was horribly depressed but was really happy about the way I looked for the first time in my life. Yes, I was happy I finally had the willpower to stop eating. Here I am, crying myself to sleep every night, feeling just horrible every minute of every day and all any girl, including my mom, ever said was "wow you look good!" Was it worth being depressed to be thin? Almost. Did everyone else think it was worth it, yes. Except for my sister Lauren, she was worried about me and I will always be happy she was. It was nice to know that someone didn't think it was worth it.

Since I got better from the depression I have constantly been fighting to lose weight. I started training for triathlons and lost a bit but wanted to lose more. Ned kept saying, in true physicist form, just eat less and workout more. I didn't have time to work out more and I already felt I wasn't eating enough because I was constantly tired. It seemed so simple to him but it was a lot less simple for me.
Yesterday I walked out of a pair of pants again. Am I skinny by societal definition, no. When I saw my mom she didn't even notice. I still need to be thinner, but I don't really feel I need to be. Will I lose more weight, maybe. Is it the goal of working out, no. But damn is it a nice side effect. Now I am pretty happy and I am really healthy and I am again at my skinny end. The part that makes me the proudest is that I am 15-20 pounds heavier than I was the last time I lost my pants. That's right, I have 15-20 pounds more and it is now mostly muscle. It has taken just as much will power, but has been a lot tastier. I eat a lot, breakfast, second breakfast, elevnsies, lunch, snack and dinner. And last night I had 2 donuts.

This whole thing has really changed the way both Ned and I look at weight loss, but in opposite directions. I feel that if all the will power women put into not eating where channeled into working out, they could lose weight in a healthy way. Ned finally realized how much genetics play a part in weight loss. As he said, if it takes an Ironman training program to make my body finally lose weight, then maybe some people just have a harder time and he is just lucky. I've known for some time that he is genetically just skinny. Now he realizes it and sees that it isn't all physics involved in weight loss. I'm glad he realized that and I am lucky to be married to a guy who is willing to change his world view when presented with compelling evidence. He is such a physicist!

2008-07-14T20:22:00.000-07:00

After lots of posting I haven't posted in a few days. Its been kinda busy around here. I'm having problems with the traveling and working out thing. While working out I think of all these things I want to say here, but now I can't remember any of them! I guess it keeps my mind occupied and away from some of the pain. :) I hate running and I wish I could have some big breakthrough that made me love it. I just feel like a hippo and have never gotten the hang of it. I wish I were shaped better but the fact that I carry all of my weight in my hips somehow just makes me feel weirdly unbalanced. I guess the best I can do is just keep trying. The thing that is starting to scare me is that I am having some serious mental issues. I am mentally giving up on workouts before I feel like I need to physically. I think so much of it is not getting a day off. I just would like one day where I don't have to go anywhere and I don't have to get up at any certain time to work out. I travel so much that the weekends I do have in town are spent trying to fix all the stuff that has gone to hell while I've been out of town. I think it is the never ending monotony of the workouts, the fact that after this one there is always tomorrow that is really getting to me. I thought I was mentally tough and I am for one workout but 9 in a row, week after week and I am only really at the beginning, this is getting tough. I feel like such a wuss admitting it, but I need to find something stronger for the day after day drudgery. And I'm tired. I'm never getting a dog. I'm beginning to rethink ever having kids. Never dog-sit.

Almost time to go back to real life.

2008-07-10T18:58:00.001-07:00

I'm still in Pittsburgh. Today is my off day and it has been nice to have a break. The one bad thing is that my lower back/right hip has been hurting. I think it might be because of my really cute new shoes, which makes me sad. I really like those shoes! I have really had a nice time in Pittsburgh, but not really because I like Pittsburgh. It has been wonderful to not have to worry about making dinner or breakfast or lunch. Its been a nice break from the office and I have had a loved just chilling at night. I've been fed by 6pm every night and then can go back to the hotel, workout and go to sleep. I really had no idea this would be such a break. I had no idea I really needed one but I guess I did. Most trips are just giant PITAs but this has been a pleasant surprise. I don't like the city much though, its a little scary and I'm sure lots of people will take offense to me saying that. I do really miss the swimming and I'll have to play catch up next week. I am due for a down week next week, but I'm going to put it off for a week. The week after next I am going to be in Edmonton for an AAPT meeting and that would be the perfect week to go easy. On top of that I have the New Jersey Tri the weekend after the meeting so it will be a nice taper. AAPT should be a bunch of fun. I've lost a little weight so I went to the mall today and got some new fun going out clothes. I actually had fun shopping and I have a great new skirt. If only the cute shoes didn't hurt my back....

Proper Doctor vs. Other Doctor

2008-07-07T18:34:00.000-07:00

Ok, I am blogging while watching the last Doctor Who. The Doctor and Rose finally met up and.... they hugged! WTF after 2 years of sexual repression on both of their parts I was hoping for an all out snog-fest not a damn hug! RTD I am not a fan..... ok, back to it.

Done. WTF!!!!!!!!! Well, Rose is with a doctor, but not the real Doctor, the proper Doctor. So I am conflicted. Rose has what she wants and will spend her life with a doctor. It was pretty bloody obvious as soon as the other "doctor" was created, but Proper Doctor will still roam the universe as a lonely little boy. How can he keep making himself so sad? How can Rose spend her life with Other Doctor when he isn't traveling which is like his whole existence? Its all so wrong and right at the same time. Oh, and River Song is Other Doctor and Rose's baby. Just a thought. Why do I only like romance with aliens? Oh yeah and there were some Daleks or something and some stuff blew up and the earth was saved.

I did a treadmill workout tonight. Traveling really sucks when it comes to working out. I did a speed workout but it is so hard to do that on a treadmill because you can't change speed quickly. I want to do things outside! At least I am lucky enough to have access to a treadmill and weight machines while I am here.

Oh that Doctor Who just has me so bummed!!!!! And it won't be on again until 2010. I am in such a bad mood! And Captain Jack was in it and there was still almost no snogging!!!!! And Other Doctor and Rose's one snog wasn't even that good!!!! I've seen her in Secret Diary of a Call Girl, I know she can do better than that!

Alohomora

2008-07-06T21:39:00.000-07:00

I'm in Pittsburgh for work and because I drove up I was lucky enough to be able to bring the Firebolt and my trainer. I love it when I am able to watch a Harry Potter movie while on the trainer because there is something so cool about getting to be on the Firebolt while watching Harry on his. Why do they even bother to lock doors at Hogwarts? It seems they taught everyone the spell to unlock a door in their first year so why go through the trouble of the lock? Yes I know that there are charms and such that can prevent the use of the standard unlocking spell, but really, how on earth is there a market for the good old fashion dead bolt in the wizarding world? Yet every door is fully equipped with the useless piece of hardware. So silly!

In other news I did NOT watch the season finale of Doctor Who so I could work out. I could have watched it while on my trainer but that is like doing two things at once and I want to be able to fully pay attention to Doctor Who. I actually chose working out over the Doctor, now that's commitment!

Harbo and Samuelsen

2008-07-05T14:15:00.000-07:00

In trying to post more, I am going to post today too! I didn't actually do my trainer workout last night because I got to screwing around on the internet and time flew by and then it was just too late. It will all get done though. After my mental freak out yesterday I had two people say things to me that made me feel better. First, Ned said that when he can't concentrate on his dissertation, which is due in a few weeks, he thinks of how hard I worked on mine and the will it took to get it done ( I didn't sleep for 40 hours at one point). Seeing how hard I can push myself helps him push himself. Then my friend Rob said that thinking about how hard I train made him run an extra mile on his daily run. These both made me happy because it means I am helping other people work towards their goals and push themselves harder. I like that. Everyone is so much stronger than they think they just need to find that little voice that says "hell no you are not giving up now! run up that damn hill!" When I'm feeling like I want to give up I start singing the Ballad of Harbo and Samuelsen. They rowed across the Atlantic ocean in 55 days and 13 hours. A record that still stands. How can I give up after a 90 min. run when they rowed 21 hours a day for 55 days after being capsized and half starved to death? Oh and then on the way back, the boat they were on, powered by steam, ran out of fuel and rather than have their precious boat, the Fox, burned they got off the steamer, back in the Fox and rowed home! What on earth do I have to complain about compare to that!

So far I've done a 3,000 yard swim today. It felt ok, but I get pushed so much harder with the DCTri club swims that I feel like such a slacker without them. Tonight I will actually do a workout on the trainer. Oh I remember the days when a three mile run was a workout. Now it seems to be a warm up.

The Chinese Food Incident

2008-07-04T18:36:00.000-07:00

Again, I'm going to start blogging more. Since moving to DC without Ned, I feel like I've had a lot to say and no one to say it to. Training for Ironman Arizona is in full swing. I'm in week six and I'm holding up about like I thought I would. I'm at a mental low right now. I hurt a lot and I am tired a lot, but I keep getting better and my body isn't breaking down so I consider that a success. It was hard to start again because I keep remembering what I used to be able to do and it is hard to have to start behind that. But every week I get stronger. I went for a run today and did pretty well for me. It hurt at the end but I kept thinking that everyone hurts at points like that and that it is the ones that keep going through the hurt that are called ironmen. What I didn't realize was how little I had eaten today. I kept getting cramps and at the very end I had to stop for a second and I almost passed out. I manged to finish the run with a "run" up the big hill at the end.

As soon as I got home I ate, but I just haven't been able to eat recently. Nothing looks tasty and I see everything as "unhealthy." I have to get over that if I want to finish this thing. When I get cravings for food I have to let myself give in because I'm just excited I want to eat. Last night I wanted Chinese food like nothing else. I ordered on line and finally after an hour of not getting my food I called and they said they never got my order. Now not only was I really really hungry, I wasn't going to get my food. Well, low blood sugar makes me do stupid stuff and I kicked the refridgerator really hard. My foot is ok but I must be getting really strong because there is now a dent in the fridge. A lot of the reason I don't want to eat is because I have been losing so much weight and I love it. Something switches in my head and I don't want to put anything "unhealthy" in my body and then everything becomes "unhealthy" and there is nothing I will let myself eat. That's why the Chinese food incident made me so upset, I had finally found something I wanted to eat and I had decided to give in. Tonight I finally got Chinese food but my blood sugar is so low I feel rather nauseated and can't seem to choke it down.
I have also been having some mental doubts. I never feel that anything I do is good enough. I try to pick the hardest things I can think of and then I realize that it is actually nothing special. Then I think of what would be special and it is always one step further. Like now I think that only Hawaii counts and that Arizona is not a "real" ironman. I just wish I could be "done" and "good enough" but I guess I will never get there.....

Well, back to trying to eat what I wanted to eat yesterday and can't seem to eat today. Oh, that and the bike trainer, I have one more workout today!

2008-01-30T07:40:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in a while, which is normal I guess. I am now in DC in a new job and trying to figure out workouts. I took so much time off to write my dissertation that I don't even know how to do it anymore. I feel bad and I haven't been able to find that place in me that pushes through that point and keeps going. I've only been running twice in the past three weeks. Running is my biggest weakness and I just can't seem to get out the door. I did manage an hour on the trainer last night and I think I at least started to feel mentally strong again. Though it is hard when you are not moving anywhere..... I know I am still in off-season phase and I don't want to get burned out and my body just needs to get used to working out again. It is harder than I thought when your whole support system and all your training partners are 1,800 miles away. As is always the case, I had no idea how much support I had until I moved away from it. Maybe writing this all down will get me out the door. I need to post pictures... everyone likes pictures!

Half Iron Race Report

2007-12-08T18:39:00.000-08:00

So I haven't posted in a while, but I thought I should at least post my Longhorn Half Iron race report, mostly so I would have it to look back on some day. I'm just going to post what I sent to my BMC e-mail list serv:

Time: 6:44:17 (yes, that six HOURS!)
Calories Burned: ~5,000
Toe nails remaining: 4
Fire ant bites: 3
Current ability to walk: minimal
Lessons learned:
-Drink lots more water on the bike
-Eat more gel on the bike
-Slow the f*ck down on the bike you still have a run you moron!
-Cut your toenails
-If you are going to attempt to do a 13.1 mile run after a bike and swim,
train the running!

Thanks for all the good weather thoughts, it helped. It wasn't that hot
until the run. The bike was beautiful.

So the long and short of it is that all the whining I seemed to be doing
about the weather making the events too easy, well this was not too easy. The swim felt good and I love long swims because people start out
sprinting and get way ahead and I just stay steady and I pass some of them
around the 800m mark as they have burned all their energy. I finished
strong and beat a girl who had been on my tail. that always make me happy.
I got on the "firebolt" and started the ride part. Really uneventful
except for the fact I notice that I was going pretty fast and if I could
keep it up, I would have a fantastic time. So I kept it up and pushed
really hard. The last 6 miles were brutal and the last hill "big bastard"
was bad, but I finished! My friends were cheering part way through the
bike course and that gave me a lot of confidence. One of my friends had
done a half iron last year and I was gunning to beat his time. He was
great to hear him tell me to keep going and beat him good :) At the end
of the bike, I put on my running shorts and started the run.
As soon as I started I thought I was going to die. Like pass out
and get carried off in a stretcher. After the 1st mile I really really
really thought about giving up. There is nothing like feeling like you
are going to pass out 1 mile into a 13 mile run. I just could think
about how far I still had to go. I thought I would just get to the first
water station, have some water and Gatorade and see how I felt in a bit. Needless to say there was very little actual running going on and I would
hesitate to even call it walking.... I passed my friends again and they
lied through their teeth and told me I looked great. It helped. I was
originally going to run 3 miles and run 1. That was quickly changed to
walk up hill, walk the aid stations, and if you feel up to it, run the
rest. I stuck with it for 3 miles, drinking two glasses of water each
station and running with ice nestled snugly in my sports bra. I cooled
down a bit, got my legs working, and started the running again. I can't
even tell you how close I was to giving up in those first 3 miles. I
walked every uphill and a bit at every aid station. I saw my friends and
Ned 4 times though out the course. The second time I saw them I could
tell they were relieved that I was looking better. I survived the run, and
it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Each step was hard.
When I hit mile 12 I told myself I was going to run all the way to the
end. I made it as far as the next aid station, and walked to the point
where I came out of the woods and people could see me again. I did run
the finish, but damn, that was not easy. That run was just about the
worst thing ever. All of my whining that previous events didn't count,
and that I wasn't placing as high as I wanted, all of that was taken away
by that run. It made up for everything. I can truly say that event took
everything I had. Literally. That was so f&cking hard.
It is done now, I didn't get last, I beat my friend's time (he is ok
with this level of competitiveness, he tries to bring it out in me), and I
am, for the first time in 7 events this summer, just feeling like I
accomplished something amazing. Whatever I felt like I needed to prove
this summer, I just proved it. I could have gotten dead last in this
event I would would be strutting around today like I owned the world. Out
of a field of ~900 30 people didn't finish, but I wasn't one of them!!!
I went to lunch/dinner with my friends and Ned afterward and managed to
sit up long enough to realize that I didn't want to eat anything. My
blood sugar was so low that I was so nauseated I couldn't eat. I forced
myself to eat a bit and felt better. By the time I got home I really
couldn't move anymore. I took a shower that involved a lot of sitting on
the edge of the tub. I was so sick to my stomach and tired and sore. I
knew I had to keep eating or it would just get worse. Ned says one of the
funnies things he's seen is me trying to force feed myself ho-hos.
Normally I need no coercion..... I woke up at about midnight and felt a
lot better. I slept until 9am this morning and I feel close to normal,
but really really sore.

damn that was hard. I'll forget by next week and sign up for something
else stupid I'm sure.

If you want to see pictures, here's the link:

Pictures

Click on "Longhorn Half Iron" and search for 749, or Thompson-Flagg

I did sign up for something else stupid, Arizona 2008, Nov. 23rd. Yep, I'm going to try it.... I'm going to try to post about training here, but we'll see what happens. :)

Well, I can swim one lap.

2007-06-14T20:04:00.000-07:00

Well the swim is over and I did it. It was way easier than I thought it would be. I was really nervous before it started but after the first few hundred yards I knew i could make it. I think they might have been wrong about the currents. They said that at first the current would go from north to south and then would change and go south to north. So I started out by hugging the north span of the bridge. I felt like I kept getting pushed north so I moved more to the middle and kinda stayed there. When the race first started I freaked out a little. I felt my chest start to tighten up and I couldn't breath but worked at calming down and my breathing felt great the rest of the race. I started out by hanging to the back and trying to get away from the pack. i did things I never would have done in a triathlon. I let people swim past me and hung back to try and get my own piece for real estate. Usually I would try and pass people to get free, but this time I let them pass me. I swam really conservatively. I didn't know how I would feel after a few miles so I swam slow to save everything I could. The chop was almost non existent. The first mile seemed to go really fast. I couldn't believe I had already gone a mile when I passed the marker. The second mile was right after the main shipping channel and it had a food boat. I thought the main channel would be the worst and it wasn't that easy, but not as bad as I thought. I felt so small as I was going through. The bridges were so big and the swells were large and I was so open and unprotected. There were no bridge supports to make me feel at least a little safe. I was a tiny little orange golf ball out in the middle of this huge bay. It was a cool feeling. I saw the food boat with all these other little orange golf balls hanging on it and decided to keep on swimming. I thought that once I got through the channel the rest would be easy. Well, it was and it wasn't. the swimming part wasn't that bad, but my mind had already started counting down to the finish and once my mind sees the finish my body starts giving up a little. The third mile seemed to take forever. As soon as I hit mile 2 i thought "well, it just an ironman swim from here." , turns out an ironman swim is long. I could see the mile 3 marker, but it just didn't seem to get any closer. the food boat was supposed to be there, but it was actually at mile 3.5. About then, something in my wetsuit unhooked and it started rubbing. I have a great wetsuit hickey to show off now! I think the hardest part current wise was getting back out from under the bridge. I had to fight really hard to do it. After that, I could see the finish and it was such an amazing feeling. I had come so far and wanted to do this for so long. I didn't sprint the finish but tried to enjoy the feeling of the last few strokes in the bay. That lasted for a bit and then I just wanted to get it done and I sped up a bit :) As i was about to finish I saw the woman in front of me stand up and collapse. the volunteers at the finish carried her over the finish to the medical tent. It was neat to watch but I was glad it wasn't me. Overall it was a fun race. It was so different than a triathlon as it was so quite and internal. There was no one cheering for you on the course. I had hoped I would at least hear a "way to go!" from the kayaks, but no luck. The volunteers at the finish didn't offer their hands and help you out. It was all so much more subdued than the tris I've done. But feeling so small around something so big was amazing. Feeling knocked around by something like the Bay was great. I am a little upset at my time and the fact that it was so "easy". When I finished everyone was saying it was the easiest year ever. I felt like what I had done didn't really count. On top of that, my time was one of the worst in my age group. the more I think about it though, I really swam conservatively and came out with a lot left. I didn't even need to take a nap that afternoon. There was nothing I could have done about the conditions or how "easy" this year was so I just have to be glad I made it because it would have been REALLY embarrassing if I hadn't made it this year. I know that even if it had been worse I still could have made it, particularly with how good I felt at the end. The chocolate donuts were also nice:) It was a little hard to deal with the fact that something I had been working so hard for and thinking so much about was over. What next? How can I top this? Well the answer to that is a half ironman. More about that later. When I got out I just wanted to get rid of the smell of bay water and I'm not sure I want to smell that smell for a long time. I thought that now that I have done this I am happy and don't really want to do it again. But the more I sit thinking about this, the more I am not sure..... My mom came from Indy to watch and wish me luck at the start. I was just so excited that she would come all that way for this. It really meant so much to me. We went to Cantlers for dinner which is always tasty. they didn't have steamers, which would be my food of choice if stranded on a desert island, but the soft shell crab sandwich was almost as good. So it was a great day, I made it, all the worry was for nothing, it was less than half as bad as I had made it out to be, and now I have post big race let down. After a few more days of bragging, showing off my wetsuit wounds and feeling pretty pleased with myself while sitting on the couch watching TV, I'm going to start training to get faster. Off to eat something bad for me!

I tried to Tri!

2007-05-29T09:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I was hoping I would have a race report to post today. I was hoping it would go something like "I executed my race plan perfectly and finished under the time I was hoping for. I feel tired but happy. The swim was great, I kept it together mentally and settled in for the ride. The bike was fun, which was what I was hoping for. The run was what it was, I ran half and walked half and my knee is doing ok today.". I actually have no race to report as it was CANCELED!!!!!!!!! The CapTexTri was CANCELED!!!!! Stupid wusses. So I went on a disastrous bike ride and then an ok swim. Yuck. Well, I have a very expensive T-Shirt that I feel like an ass for wearing. I also missed out on a really hard workout so I am doing bricks today. bleck...

Good nutrition plan

2007-05-20T16:19:00.001-07:00

So I did a long swim today. It didn't go too badly. I went to Big Stacy pool which is 33 meters long instead of 25. I like to swim there because it is a little harder mentally as I feel like I am going so slow because it takes me longer to get from one end to the other. I did 7000 meters which is about 4.35 miles. So I made it across the bay at least in a pool. I have to say I hit my wall at about 1200m from the end but I kept going which was really fricken hard. I finally feel like I might be able to finish. I realized why I like swimming, which is nice to realize when you have a lot of it to do. I love repetitive things. They are very calming to me. Knitting, tatting, repeatedly head butting my husband.... Well swimming is like that, stroke after stroke the same. The sound of the water, the sound of your breathing, it is all calming to me once I find that rhythm. I also love the feel on my back of the water line repeatedly going from one side to the other as I roll. The sun on my back is fairly nice too. I'm lucky to live in Texas where I have been able to swim outside since March. I ate a power bar and two gels before I swam and my stomach was fine so I guess I will do that again. I also had chocolate milk as soon as I got to my car and a bagel and banana a peanut butter as soon as I got home and I'm really feeling ok. I'm guessing no one is actually going to read this because if you are reading it it must be very boring. Anyway I have the CapTexTri next Monday so I guess I should start thinking about that. That is going to be a rough day. I've only done one long bike ride and one long run. The run plan is to run .5 a mile, walk .5 a mile and run the finish. We'll see what happens. I will hopefully post pictures of The Rookie soon.
Time for sleep.

Solitary Confinement

2007-05-17T09:45:00.000-07:00

I've been training since March and having nightmares since April. I know I can do it physically. In fact, I have already done a 4 mile semi open water swim at Barton Springs. I felt fine during, but I didn't eat soon enough and felt horrible afterward. My stomach couldn't handle what my mind wanted to eat. Bad move and I won't do it again. I need to eat and drink during the training next time. I am worried about how to eat during the race. I know there is a mythical “food boat” at mile 2 but many people seem to miss it completely so I need a back up plan. I'm thinking Jelly Belly “sport” beans tucked into my wetsuit might be a good idea. Yes, Jelly Belly makes sport beans. I talked to a nutritionist yesterday and she said I need to eat more in general. Damn it is nice to have someone official tell you to eat peanut butter!
Mentally, I'm not sure what will happen. I need to remember it takes me like 500 yards to warm up and I feel like crap the whole time. I need to be mentally prepared for the fact that I will want to give up. I'm sure everyone wants to give up several times during this race. I need to train my mind to stay completely focused on nothing. I feel best in longer swims when my mind just kind of buzzes in rhythm with my strokes. I also want to try to remember several good songs that I can sing to myself to keep me from going nuts. I am worried about the currents. I think I just need to realize that it is going to be hard to stay between the bridges but if I'm aware of my surroundings, I can do it. Two and a half hours with only my own thoughts...... that sounds bad. That is a punishment for prisoners and really, a punishment for people who are already being rather harshly punished has to be bad. I will either finish wanting to talk to everyone in sight, or proclaiming I am dropping out of grad school and trying to become a country music star even though I can't carry a tune in a bucket or wanting to hide in a corner in the fetal position. From reading others stories, I do know that I will finish by puking up gallons of sea water. I also need to know it is going to hurt. Every story I read of people's Ironman experiences talks about how much it hurt during the race and they finished by accepting the fact that it hurt, it was going to continue hurting and to finish you had to get through it to the finish. This ain't no Ironman, but I expect it will hurt.

The Beginning

2007-05-17T09:36:00.000-07:00

I am a physics grad student at the University of Texas at Austin. I swam at Bryn Mawr College as an undergrad and was middle to back of the pack. When I was 12 one of my friends did the Great Chesapeake Bay Swim and I thought that was so cool. When I decided to make a list of the things I would like to do in life, the first three on there were run a marathon, ride a bull and swim the Chesapeake Bay. From college up until a year ago I turned into a complete couch potato. I would play Ultimate Frisbee in the summer and took Kung Fu lessons, but other than that, nothing. My friend Cindy, who I pretty much credit with overhauling my life, convinced me to do the Danskin triathlon. This was three weeks before the event and she drastically overestimated my fitness level. Well for three weeks I worked my body harder than I thought possible, often to the point of complete collapse and finished the triathlon in a reasonable time. It was an amazing experience. I got hooked and throughout the summer trained and did the Dilloman Triathlon in September and knocked about 15 min. off my time. I was then convinced to do the swim leg of the IronStar triathlon. The swim was 1.2 miles and it sounded fun. I did well and our team, Splash Grind Mosey, got third, mostly due to the amazing biking a running, but still, I helped. I was mentally rougher than I would like to admit. I'm not afraid of open water, but damn, you have a lot of time alone in your own mind when you swim for that long. I thought of giving up, not because I couldn't do it physically, but because I didn't know if I could do it mentally. There is almost no noise when you are swimming and all you can do is think. People go crazy from that! Well after that training I decided this year was the year to conquer The Bay. I signed up for the lottery, sent in my IronStar swim time and I am on the list. Let the training and nerves begin!