IMAZ race report

Total Time: 13:53:19 (goal was 15 hrs.)
Swim: 1:10 (goal 1:15)
Bike: 7:00:57 (goal 7:30)
Run: 5:25 (goal survive, secondary goal beat Katie Holmes' NY marathon time of 5:29)
Toe nails remaining: 9 (goal 7)
Fun level: 11! (goal 5)
Goals achieved: all 6 (goal 2)

Well it has been one week and I have had time to come down off the high and actually think about what happened. The sunburn has peeled and the big blister is starting to heal. I am still in shock. I not only finished, I finished on my feet and smiling. Every step was a blast and I just can't believe how much fun I had. I never once thought of giving up. There were points where I realized I would have to be conservative to not crash, but that was just fine with me. There was no pressure. I was trying something so far out there that if I didn't finish everyone would just be proud of me for trying and I sure as heck didn't need to go fast. This was the least pressure I'd felt in a race in years. I was just relaxed.

The day before the race was perfect. I got to spend it with my friend Sarah, husband Ned and my beautiful God Daughter Sophie and several times through out that day I remember thinking that if the race goes to hell, it was worth signing up for to have an excuse to spend a day like that with them :)

The day didn't start off that great. As Ned and drove to the race site we were late and I was starting to freak out. I think freak out might be an understatement. We had a hard time finding the parking garage and at one point I was so scared I was getting car sick and I believe I might have cried. After we parked it didn't get any better. I got to transition and dropped off the rest of my stuff. As i was trying to get everything in order on my bike my garmin forerunner GPS disappeared. I used it as a bike computer and without it I wouldn't be able to pace right. I wasted so much time trying to find it that I had to book it to drop off my special needs bags and then get in my wetsuit. I managed to get in the swim pen in time but right after I got in I realized I was still wearing my diamond engagement ring and there was nothing I could do but swim with it. Screw the normal fear of goggle loss, I was scared of losing that ring! (I didn't).

The swim was great. I did the old lady thing of slipping into the 63 degree water slowly and then tried to swim up to the front. I didn't have much time before the cannon went off so I stopped close to the first open space I could find. and then, bam, it was on. It was exactly like everyone described, I was in a washing machine and I loved it! What a rush! I had to be careful not to get kicked, but I got kicked and grabbed and poked and everything. I didn't get seriously hurt but I did crack my foot on someone's head. It hurt me so I can only imagine how it hurt them, if you are reading this, I am sorry. It was damn cold in that river. I just remember freezing the whole time and wishing my wetsuit had sleeves. I knew it would be a long way so I just sort of settled in an enjoyed the whole thing, except for the cold. I remember actually swimming into a buoy which made me laugh a lot. I got stuck next to this one guy who couldn't stop making motor boat noises. Like the kind you might make which swimming with your kid. I''m sure some sports psychologist told him to "be the boat" and he just took it one step to far. For the first 1000 yards it was funny, after that I wanted to run him over with a motor boat. And then, just like that, I was making the last turn and it was over. I got out and let the strippers or peelers or whatever do their jobs. In a perfect day I thought I could do a 1:05, I figured a 1:10 flanked by motor boat guy wasn't too damn bad :)

The craziest thing happened as I grabbed my wetsuit and ran to transition, I kept running. I didn't walk to my bag or anything, it felt really good to jog so instead of my usual recovery walk, I just jogged to my seat in the change tent. That feeling, the way my legs just wanted to go, made be realize that I was about to totally own this race. By "own" I mean "finish." The volunteer was great and even loaned me a towel when I realized that mine didn't make it into my bag. I changed, had some Ensure, loaded up on the stuff, took some advil and went on out the door.

The bike was, well, uneventful. The first lap was the only place I think I really broke mentally. I didn't know how fast I was going thanks to my lack of bike computer and I didn't know how far I'd gone or where the turn around was. It was slightly uphill and then wind was in my face on the way out. I really felt bad. Hearing reports from others I think I was imagining the wind worse than it actually was. Half way through the first loop of the 3 loop course I felt the stick that managed to lodge itself in my bike shorts. Ouch. Just plain ouch. I didn't want to stop until special needs on the second lap so I kept going, but ouch. I kept trying to remember landmarks so I would know where I was on the second and third loops, but really, every cactus looks the same. It was quite pretty. Finally I got to the turn around and zoomed back towards town. It was much faster on the way back and i started to feel better. But, damn, the bike just kept going!!!! I got to the turn around in town and saw Ned and Sarah and Sophie who was loving the bikes. She had helped me put mine together the day before:) That gave me one hell of an emotional lift and I zoomed out for lap two. It was about now that the pros started lapping me. One was even kind enough to blow his nose on me. I was honored. I was covered in pro snot! Only other memorable thing about lap two was that I got to stop for my special needs bag and visit the port a potty to address the stick issue. Someone thought that putting the port a potty on a slant was a good plan and that is one pit stop I won't forget. My legs were shot and it was not easy. I then got my special needs bag, which had all my favorite foods, and realized that all I wanted was the cold Diet Dr Pepper I had placed in the cooler with the ice packs. That's right, I took a Dr Pepper break in the middle of my Ironman. Best boost ever! Right after that I got lapped by Joanna Zeiger, a pro hero of mine. Wow is she fast! I went back into town, waved to my Ned, and headed out for one more go. I realized that I might get close to 7 hours which meant I was ahead of my loose plan and that I could pretty much crawl the marathon and finish under 17 hours. Final time 7:00:57. Works for me!

I got back to transition, handed off my bike to the volunteer and headed to the tent. Everyone was so nice. I had stuck to my nutrition plan perfectly on the bike and as feeling great. I took some advil and some water and chatted with the volunteer who promised me the marathon would be nothing but fun. I was feeling great so I chose to believe her. In to time at all I was shod, clad in DC tri gear and read to go! I left the tent and headed out on the run.

Well, those of you that know me and my deep hatred of running will know by my time that I am just over the moon about my run. It was better than I could have hoped for. I ran out of transition and about .25 of a mile out, my calves and shins cramped, which was fine because I absolutely knew that would do it. So I walked. No big deal, I walked until I thought I could run and then ran until they loosened up. The first aid station was amazing and as I ran up they asked me if I needed anything. The coolest part was that my name was on my number and everyone called me by name. How cool is that! My plan was to walk three miles and run one. Well when I finished my first 3 miles, I still wanted to run, so I did. Then I sort of just kept wanting to run. So I did. It was the strangest thing, my body just kinda took over in a way I'd never seen so I just let it do what it wanted. I just kept running. I walked the aid stations to make sure I was eating and drinking and then ran the rest. It was great being able to see Ned so often and I felt great the first 2 laps. Though at the end of the first part of each lap you had to run down this carpet and each time I almost bit it. Pretty embarrassing! I kept drinking and eating and walking when I wanted to, but mostly running. My half marathon pace was 11:00. That is faster by far than the 5K part of the first 3 sprint tris I did. Wow. During the second lap I talked to a nice woman from Edmonton who was doing her second Ironman and trying to break 14 hours. She said she was on pace for that so concidering I was with her, I was on pace for that too. Cool! I asked her what finishing felt like and she said it was amazing, she felt like she could do anything. By the third lap I was getting pretty tired and slowing down. If you look at my splits you can tell. My stomach stopped digesting and I was getting bloated. My legs were starting to cramp. All the standard stuff. I was still so high off just being there that it didn't really notice too much. At the beginning of the third loop I made a port a potty stop which was bad because sitting down was hard. I felt really drunk and I didn't want to get up. I never though about stopping, but I knew that the last lap wasn't going to be as much fun as the others. I kept going and well, just kept going. I walked a lot now because I felt my stomach rebelling and a large blister forming on my toe. I knew that the only way i was not going to finish was if I puked or my blister popped. Both of those things would only happen if I pushed it, so I didn't, I walked. Then I got to that magic sign that said 1st 2nd and 3rd loops right, finish left. And I went left! I walked for a bit more and then started to run. It was there. I saw the magic blow up arch and the supporters and heard Mark Reilly say my name, and slapped hands with people from the bleachers and then ran under the finish line arch at 13:53:19. I had done it. What the f*&*! I did it!

Some very nice catchers gave me my finisher's swag and delivered me to Ned who sat me down in a fold up chair. I just sat there dazed. I felt like I had the best alcohol buzz ever. Picture were taken, I talked to Flip, and then I ended up at Sarah's trying to eat mashed potatoes. When your stomach has shut down, don't try to cram any more in. I puked. I felt better. I still felt high. I still feel high. My fingers were swollen so much that I couldn't close my hands. My feet were so bad that I had cankles and didn't wear real shoes for 4 days. I have a blister that is just amazing. I am proud of all of it. Every moment of that race was a blessing. I am so lucky to be able to do a race like that. Every moment I just kept thinking how happy I was to be there. I rarely feel like a did a good job after a race. I always replay it and find where I could have done better, gone faster, or pushed harder. For the first time I feel nothing but pride and excitement. Could I have gone faster, maybe. Could I have pushed harder, who knows. Do I care, no. I totally kicked that race's ass. I surpassed all expectations. There is nothing about that race I want to take back. It was the perfect day. To finish was amazing, to finish in a time that had all my friends (Flip for one...) staring at their computer screens in amazement was I feeling like nothing I have felt before. Thank you all for everything you have said. All the support and praise is just amazing. I loved looking back though my facebook page on Monday and seeing what everyone was saying. Thank you all. I am the luckiest person alive. I have the greatest friends on earth.

By the next day I was doing great. Still had the cankles but I could walk and I saw that as a good sign. It has been a week and I got in the pool yesterday and felt fine. I'm excited about some time off, but also excited to go back to working out. Maybe at a little lower level.....

I'm old

I haven't posted in a while and I promise that one day I will post something uplifting. I'm really not a gloomy person in real life! I went out to 80's night last night and felt really old. I'm almost 30 and frankly I think I have the best body I've ever had. But I'm old. I'm married. I didn't have any guys offer to buy me a drink. This really sucked. Yes I'm married and I am not looking for anything but it is still super flattering to have a guy buy you a drink and frankly I am at the point where I haven't had that happen in a while.

Recently I have had a house guest take up residence on my couch. Its been nice living with someone again but it has been hard to stick to my schedule. I have actually had to give things up but in some cases I am just too tempted and will skip a workout to hang out with him. I haven't really tried to find much of a social life out here and it is really nice to have someone to do things with and to push me to get out of the house. The down side is that I am tired and will doing things training wise that I shouldn't. I know that skipping an E1 workout here and there won't kill me but I wish I could be ok with it mentally. But I guess every now and thing I just have to go have fun! This might actually be a good thing:)

Work has been crazy but hopefully it will settle down soon and things will work out well. That will make my life a lot better, just knowing. For the first time though I don't have a real plan about jobs and Ned moving and such but I do have a feeling that it will work out ok, I just don't know what ok will be. We have a lot of options right now and I don't even know what I want to happen. But I do know it will be ok and in a few short weeks I will finally have my husband back.

In other news Hanna canceled me long run this morning. I know that rain shouldn't do this, but damn man, a hurricane???? I think that is an ok excuse. I'll just have to make it up later......

Winning and "losing"

Its been a while since I've written and I should do a NJ tri race report, but basically, it was fun to be there with DC tri, my run was crap, I spent a few days feeling bad about the fact I couldn't do 20 mph on the bike, I was mad at myself for not doing as well as my teammates, and then my friend Flip did a post on Facebook that made me feel better. I all I can hope is that one day I will feel I did good enough.

I'm sitting here watching Olympic swimming. A few things strike me right away. If Michael Phelps does not get gold in everything he will be seen as a failure. One silver, and he's not accomplished his goals. That is just not fair. Any Olympic medal is a success. Hell, going to the Olympics is a success. Why do the announcers not see this? Are American's so set on always being the best that second place is a disappointment? As I was thinking this, I realized this is exactly how I feel about my own performance. I'm never going to win my age group, I'm ok with that. But somewhere it went from just being happy to finish to never being happy with my times. I need to realize that just doing these things should be seen as an accomplishment. The better I've gotten the more I realize exactly how slow I am. Sort of like the more you know, the more you see how much you don't know. But that doesn't mean you don't know anything or that you haven't succeeded in learning. Getting to that place should be a great success because being there is a feat in itself.

After all my bitching and moaning last night, I realized I was just being silly. I e-mailed my friend Flip, who always makes me feel better and he went above and beyond this time. He used stats to prove I don't suck. Being a scientist, this just rocked and convinced me I don't suck. He pulled out the "Z score!" Score! There is more on Facebook too. This also shows me just how bad I am at the run in comparison to others. I need more track workouts. I also reconnected with someone I went to high school with who has done an ironman. She made me feel better about the whole process too. She said that no one realizes what you are going through and that you just have to keep moving forward. This is good advice for not only the race, but practice too. I'm doing a long bike ride this afternoon. I hope it goes well. Just once I would like to average 20 mph on a bike in a tri. Maybe at Nations.

NJ Tri

Well its been a week since I've written. I did the NJ tri this weekend. It went. I thought that with all the training I've been doing I would be able to at least hang with my age group, but alas no. I got a PR, but I did really crappy in comparison to everyone else which means it was just a really fast course. Its just sort of crushing when you put so much work into something and feel like you get nothing back. I guess it is good that I am not spending today as a ball of pain but I should have been able to do better on this tri. I should have been able to push harder but I didn't. The run broke me. It always does. I hate that it has now become about times instead of finishing, but it has. I had fun. I liked being with a club, but I still feel like crap mentally. I guess I have just gotten as fast as I can and in yet another endeavour I will have to settle for being crappy. Everything just seems to suck right now. I feel like even my ironman is a useless goal. What's the point, it doesn't prove anything. Its not Hawaii which is the only one the world seems to think is worth it and really Ironman has become what marathons are, the new thing to do. It seems that, like the marathon, in 5 years everyone will have done one and no one will care anymore. what's the point? I can't quite now though because I have already paid my $500 and I'm cheap so I have to at least show up and not waste the money. And if I show up I might as well be prepared to finish. I would hate wasting $500. At least this blog isn't just about the good times in my training.....

Weight Loss

Being a girl it is always hard to talk about weight. If you think you are the right weight or if you are actually losing weight you don't fit in to so many conversations with girls. Everyone is unhappy with the way they look or is trying to lose weight but doesn't feel they are losing enough. It seems that no one does it in a very healthy way. Every girl has done things like not eating for a week etc. There are two times in my life I have walked out of a pair of pants. I am wearing them and accidentally step on the back and they sort of fall off. One time was my second year of grad school. I had stopped eating and was horribly depressed but was really happy about the way I looked for the first time in my life. Yes, I was happy I finally had the willpower to stop eating. Here I am, crying myself to sleep every night, feeling just horrible every minute of every day and all any girl, including my mom, ever said was "wow you look good!" Was it worth being depressed to be thin? Almost. Did everyone else think it was worth it, yes. Except for my sister Lauren, she was worried about me and I will always be happy she was. It was nice to know that someone didn't think it was worth it.

Since I got better from the depression I have constantly been fighting to lose weight. I started training for triathlons and lost a bit but wanted to lose more. Ned kept saying, in true physicist form, just eat less and workout more. I didn't have time to work out more and I already felt I wasn't eating enough because I was constantly tired. It seemed so simple to him but it was a lot less simple for me.
Yesterday I walked out of a pair of pants again. Am I skinny by societal definition, no. When I saw my mom she didn't even notice. I still need to be thinner, but I don't really feel I need to be. Will I lose more weight, maybe. Is it the goal of working out, no. But damn is it a nice side effect. Now I am pretty happy and I am really healthy and I am again at my skinny end. The part that makes me the proudest is that I am 15-20 pounds heavier than I was the last time I lost my pants. That's right, I have 15-20 pounds more and it is now mostly muscle. It has taken just as much will power, but has been a lot tastier. I eat a lot, breakfast, second breakfast, elevnsies, lunch, snack and dinner. And last night I had 2 donuts.

This whole thing has really changed the way both Ned and I look at weight loss, but in opposite directions. I feel that if all the will power women put into not eating where channeled into working out, they could lose weight in a healthy way. Ned finally realized how much genetics play a part in weight loss. As he said, if it takes an Ironman training program to make my body finally lose weight, then maybe some people just have a harder time and he is just lucky. I've known for some time that he is genetically just skinny. Now he realizes it and sees that it isn't all physics involved in weight loss. I'm glad he realized that and I am lucky to be married to a guy who is willing to change his world view when presented with compelling evidence. He is such a physicist!

After lots of posting I haven't posted in a few days. Its been kinda busy around here. I'm having problems with the traveling and working out thing. While working out I think of all these things I want to say here, but now I can't remember any of them! I guess it keeps my mind occupied and away from some of the pain. :) I hate running and I wish I could have some big breakthrough that made me love it. I just feel like a hippo and have never gotten the hang of it. I wish I were shaped better but the fact that I carry all of my weight in my hips somehow just makes me feel weirdly unbalanced. I guess the best I can do is just keep trying. The thing that is starting to scare me is that I am having some serious mental issues. I am mentally giving up on workouts before I feel like I need to physically. I think so much of it is not getting a day off. I just would like one day where I don't have to go anywhere and I don't have to get up at any certain time to work out. I travel so much that the weekends I do have in town are spent trying to fix all the stuff that has gone to hell while I've been out of town. I think it is the never ending monotony of the workouts, the fact that after this one there is always tomorrow that is really getting to me. I thought I was mentally tough and I am for one workout but 9 in a row, week after week and I am only really at the beginning, this is getting tough. I feel like such a wuss admitting it, but I need to find something stronger for the day after day drudgery. And I'm tired. I'm never getting a dog. I'm beginning to rethink ever having kids. Never dog-sit.